Pampers

Aries

You will wear mostly Pampers this weekend and watch the NBA Playoffs come to a close.  Then you will write the referee's parents and tell them they need to wear Pampers.  Then you will become pregnant and invest in Pampers stock, at which point you will discover Huggies.  Then you will hug your cat and he will poke a hole in your Pampers.  Then you'll see Kobe Bryant smile and shrug in a commercial on TV for Pampers.

Mark Twain's Mysterious Stranger

PISCES

Head-butts will become stylish again as neptune is nearing it's collision with the quadraint47 meteor.  think about wearing extra forehead when out with friends.  Look for those with large foreheads to be threatening alpha male status in groups.  If you have a fishtank, look to become more industrious over the holidays.  If you do not have a fishtank, look forward to a more leisurely finish to your autumn.  If you are throwing away your fishtank, the sky is the limit 

Listening to chumbawumba's "Tubthumping" will increase social compatability ratios this week.

SAGITTARIUS

Penny and pocket book pinching locally gives way to a spendthrift craze in other dimensions.  In Plaid dimension, plaid polka dots are thriving, for example, which is a sign that you should not trust even your own style this week, yet continue to keep your eye out for fashion trends among the middle aged (30-57).  These trends will reward you financially and planetarily as mars moves into the "celestial mating dance" with mercury.